The Math of Trust in Parenting

"Do you even know math?", quipped sonny to his dad in the most sarcastic tone and body language. This came in just moments after a discussion they had about how difficult it is to build trust and how easily it can be broken. So naturally, Daddy lost it!
 
So, what does math have to do with trust?
 
Back after a refreshing morning walk, he saw his son finishing his exercise routine in a tiny 15 sqft. space next to his bed. Noticing him comfortably placed under the fan, lying on his side and doing his leg raises, the father asked him why he was cramming in that space, in the presence of a 3000 sqft. open terrace!
"Mommy doesn’t trust my workout, when I am out of her sight doing it in the terrace!", said sonny and continued to justify it further with, "I am doing it here so she can see me in action and that will help me win her trust back". 
 
It was funny, but his will to regain her trust is likable. "You aren’t going to get the real benefit of exercising if you do it here", the father tried to explain.
"How do you know?", retaliated the teenage brain! 
 
Pat came the answer from the father who said, "Well, first you will not be able to stretch or move freely. Second, you need to shift gear from sleeping in a bedroom to working out, and a change of environment will help with having a better mindset. Lastly, the sunlight and fresh air which energize you, whereas the fan will not."
 
Sensing that the teen brain was not in a mood to listen, the father told him to decide whatever is best for himself whilst giving him an example of a recent investment that was made on the high-end personal computer versus the use of a low spec old system for his gaming interest. Five minutes later, he noticed his son sitting and daydreaming when he walked past his room.
 
So, that’s about the hero, Trust. Now comes the villain, Math!
The mother called out to her son from the kitchen asking if he has finished his exercise routine, and “Yes, Ma” came the immediate response. But the follow-up question from mommy seemed to be the bigger one when she asked “Are you sure you finished it? It is not even 10 minutes since you started!”
 
Here comes the first and biggest blunder (in hindsight). The father asked his son who was now comfortably seated under the fan, reading the sports section in the newspaper, "So, did your objective of winning her trust work? She is neither convinced nor did she see you exercising!" Seconds later, while sonny was still wondering what to respond, daddy offered to help and said “Let’s step into the kitchen where mom is sweating it out to prepare our breakfast, and win her trust back”. Dragging himself half-heartedly, he started explaining himself to his mom saying "I started at 6:40 and finished at 7:05, and I did da da da da"
 
Time for the second blunder, when the father enthusiastically thought aloud, the arithmetic he did and quipped “That’s 15 minutes!” followed by the worst snub from his son who said “Daddy, do you even know maths?”
 
Intimidated with an indirect Keep Shut message, the father was taken aback with surprise, wondering where his son’s arrogance and snobbish attitude was coming from. And before he could respond, the mother countered and said “That’s not the way you speak to your father!”. But this did not stop Daddy from showing his anger and disappointment, giving birth to the third blunder, a heated conversation, followed by giving his son a earful and grounding him for the day. This corrective action was bound to happen based on the frequent occurrence of sonny’s behaviour in the last few weeks, which is an aftereffect of his father putting a temporary stop to his daily 2-hours gaming time since he failed to meet the fitness expectation of his football coach.
 
Children often fail to trust their parent’s decisions when it interferes with their happiness quotients. It takes time, and often till the end of the show for them to understand the why’s of it, and gain that trust. During the course of this, many a time, there comes a situation when, we, as parents forget that children are still in the mode of building trust, and our impatience leads the them back to square one. Likewise, here, after their morning discussion about trust, the father now wonders how long it could take to regain the trust of his son! He better get back to learning the basics of math and parenting! 😊

Popular posts from this blog

A kid who graduated; with happiness!

Image
My Little Tall One is now Our Tall One! Once a kid, who did not have much to express, mesmerized the stage for twenty mins with a dozen plus expressions. Once a kid, who did not have much to speak  has risen from her own shadows to speak out loud for the one for whom a great war was fought.  Once a kid who would wail at the sight of injured animal dared to wash her hair and fear with blood of courage!  Yes, our little tall one has made us stand tall with pride. The world is your stage now. Go conquer it, my dear.  Make your presence felt like water that gushes down the Himalayas and reveales as the river of Life - Jan Navi!  But don't forget you were once a kid and that kid will always be within, waiting to be watched, to be wondered and create wonders just like kids do!  ©Balaji Palanidurai 
Read more

Money matters, mindset counts!

Image
I'm standing by the window, gazing out at the cloudy Chennai sky on this Sunday morning. Nitya, my young friend, rushes up to me, beaming with pride, her white shoes gleaming in the soft light. "Uncle, see! My shoes are sparkling!" she exclaims, her eyes shining with excitement. I can't help but smile at her enthusiasm. "Wow, Nitya, your shoes look amazing! You must have worked hard to clean them." I ask, curious about her motivation. She grins mischievously. "Dad gave me 10 rupees every time I clean them, Uncle!" she says, her voice full of pride. I chuckle, remembering my own childhood, when I didn't need incentives to keep my shoes clean. I glance out the window, taking in the view of the large, green land parcel next to the hotel. And then I spot them – a family of pigs, roaming freely amidst the bushes and patches of grass. I gasp in surprise. Nitya follows my gaze and squeals with delight. "Piggies! Uncle, look! Piggies!...
Read more

The fresher who sacrificed her balcony

Image
"Can you please tell the warden that I do not want to move to another room?", it was my daughter on the phone. It was just 2 weeks since we settled her at a University far away from home. She was lucky to get a nice twinsharing room on the 3rd floor of a beautiful hostel building. An east facing balcony overlooking a nice hill was a luxury and something she did not have at home. A room mate was all that was needed and she was looking forward to welcoming one. Two weeks later she got an unpleasant surprise. Couple of seniors, who returned to campus for their second year, knocked on her door and asked my daughter to move in to a room on the 1st floor with another 1st year student. That student too did not have a roommate and alas that room did not have a balcony either! "Did you check if the other 1st year student is willing to move in to your room?", I asked out of curiosity and courtesy. "Yes, I did. She does not want to move up", came her repl...
Read more